Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
