ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
