Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize