So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
