i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize