Im at strip club and am horny
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
