I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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