im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
