'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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