Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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