his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
