she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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