Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
