Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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