i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize