Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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