i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I did not marry a roomba.
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