she woke up with a sticky ear
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
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