Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize