it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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