I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
