Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i love accidental penises.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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