can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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