He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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