Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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