Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
