Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
