I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
