it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
