I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Dick very happy bro
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
