So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
