you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize