I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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