One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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