don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
