theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
