She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
