You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
