i just google imaged poop.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just puked most of my soul out..
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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