I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
