i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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