I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
