dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
