my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
