new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
