I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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