Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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