So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
