iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
