Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
