I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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