dude i'm inner monologue high
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
