and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
