i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
