dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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