Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
