Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
