you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I wear drunk well.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize