We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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