I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
