youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
