No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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