yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You ate ashes out of my bong
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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