i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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