I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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