seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
