wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
