Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
