His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize