nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
