Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My vagina just clenched in fear
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
