Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
