god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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